Blog post #7- Abby Jiminian

I personally have found it rather difficult to start my revision process. I think I had a message in my head and the way I wrote it I felt like I conveyed it pretty well. But, I guess in a way my message got lost in translation and while I understand where it's faults are I just don't know exactly where to pick it apart which is kind of a struggle and kind of annoying because I just want to get the revision process done and over with. I feel like so much change is expected of me from my revision which is nice but it is also just not that easy. I do not want to like fail at the revision process which sounds weird because I don't know if there is a way to necessarily fail at the revision process but also I do not want to not revise it right. It sounds weird but that's where my brain is at. I guess one of my bigger issues is trying to convey my struggles of bilingualism and how hard it is without it becoming a full on rant. Personally I feel like if you are not bilingual you just don't get it its hard to grow up that way for sure and it's hard sometimes to be thinking in multiple languages. And unfortunately it can be harder to describe to people that the way my brain is broken up into almost like two language sectors is different and incredibly difficult to deal with because it can be confusing. Also I am way over the word limit and I know to explain more things it is going to make my paper incredibly long but I also know that I will figure out how to cut things out later on.

For example I could be talking with my friends or even writing a blog post and my brain is thinking in both English and Spanish. It is so easy to accidentally slip into a language that others do not understand or write in the wrong language because to me in my brain it's like a running rampage with both languages at the same time being very normal to me to coexist. It can be weird at times too because I can be speaking or reading in English and if all of a sudden I hear or read Spanish its the quickest switch in my brain that results in a quick confusion as to what language I am really focusing in on. This proves to be annoying when I am translating things because I have to literally split my brain into both language processing sectors and then go from one to the other rather quickly.

I just fear that my message is going to get lost if I allow myself to think into what others are saying about my paper too much. I don't really know where to start which is annoying because this isn't a simple research paper where it is just facts. This paper is about me and about how I dealt with bilingualism throughout my life. I was given an article on how to "tame a wild tongue" that talks about bilingualism and the switches and how it's normal. Being able to do it in your head is easy but being able to formulate sentences is sometimes hard or you have people that do not understand you. I know personally I have to switch into different types of Spanish depending on who I am speaking with. Because there are lots of different vocabulary words and accent changes depending on what spanish speaking country you are from.

I think once I really dive into the revision process it will run smoothly but I just think I have to take peoples criticisms as suggestions and fix the paper as I see fit. I think I have an issue where I want to take very little note in and fix it all but I also don't think that is the best thing because I may loose my own message and how I felt writing this paper. For me this paper served as catharsis so I still want it to be my message and my pain explained in this paper. I do not want it to be perfect I still want it to be raw and meaningful. Overall I think it will work out and I am definitely just overthinking it but I think writing about all my worries and reservations has allowed me to organize my brain and collect my thoughts so I can compartmentalize the way I initially wrote it and elevate the paper to a better level.