Blog #9 - Madeleine Perko

Like so many people, I have been really overwhelmed with the last few weeks and having to transition to self-isolation (which is hard enough as it is). However, I think that far and away what is most overwhelming to me is academics. In general, I feel a lot anxiety due to school, so the countless (and I really mean countless — I cannot for the life of me wrap my head around what is happening and what I need to be doing) changes been hard to digest and hard to manage.

Furthermore, I am upset by the lack of transition period from in person classes to online classes. I am really sympathetic to those making these hard decisions, and feel that because Northeastern as a school has so many types of students, so many students and so many types of unique programs, they have a unique challenge, however, I think that there will continue to be and have been consequences felt by everyone due to the lack of a transition period. I do not know why they made the decision to not have one, so I am trying to see it from their perspective, but regardless of the reasoning I am still having a hard time with the fast paced, high stress, high stakes transition. There is so much chaos and uncertainty in general surrounding the corona virus, so the added complication of figuring out online formats and then adjusting to their pros and cons has been thus far too much for me to handle.

Even before the corona virus mayhem, moving to Northeastern Boston campus following NU.in was challenging for me as I had to readapt myself to a new lifestyle and structure of learning. There are so many more moving parts for each of my Boston classes than there were for my classes in Greece, at University of Richmond or at Weston High School. However, I know I am capable of handling everything and more, I just needed to gain my bearings in order to do so. On top of transitioning which is something I know I struggle with, I had a lot going on in my personal life. I have just gained some hard to accept clarity on the matter, which has helped me in the last few days to settle into myself. However, I have been craving some basic standard of consistency for a while now and that hasn’t changed.

I have attended 6 “institutions” in the last two years: spring 2018 Weston High School, Fall 2018 University of Richmond, Spring 2019 Northeastern College of Professional Studies, Fall 2019 American College of Thessaloniki, Spring 2020 Northeastern University (Boston Campus), Spring 2020 Northeastern University (online and at home). I am craving some consistency and I think that once I have adjusted to online classes (i feel more comfortable everyday), I think I will experience some internal ease in tension that I have been needing. In fact, I think that learning online and at home will resemble my time at CPS. That spring was a time of great uncertainty, but I was able to find comfort and consistency in my life at home. This familiar lifestyle will help me to adjust to the new aspects of learning online. Additionally, as much as I have struggled to be moving around different schools (mostly because of internal struggle), I have gained so much knowledge about myself and the world. I strongly believe this is yet another opportunity to learn about myself and the world around me. I am so incredibly grateful for the opportunity and know this will help me going forward as inevitably this will not be the last time my plans and life turn on a dime. I just hope that the isolation does not wear me down.

!!!! I am so sorry this is late. I have been really struggling with the transition and feel overwhelmed with work and change. I truly am optimistic about the weeks ahead, I have just profoundly struggled in getting to where I am now.